A Mix of Good and Bad

In the time since I have last posted something to this blog, a mixture of good and bad things have happened. The most notable good thing is that I now have a new job beginning September 18 at the University of Iowa where I will be joining Dr. Pamela Geyer's lab to study the regulation of transcription (part of making proteins) in fruit flies. I received the offer just in time to be able to give Black Hawk College less than a week to find someone else to instruct the two classes I was going to teach if I didn't find another job. Well, I found another job and I am looking forward to returning to the world of research. Working with fruit flies will be my first serious study of organisms that have a nucleus inside of their cells. Bacteria don't have a nucleus and their genetics are therefore far simpler. Luckily, I'll still get to work with bacteria since they are very useful for cloning genes of interest from any organism. From what I remember from Genetics class at Union, working with fruit flies wasn't bad at all...right, Bryant? Bryant was my partner in crime while we kept the fruit flies alive and multiplying for a few weeks. I'll certainly be learning a whole lot more than I ever dreamed I would learn about fruit flies. The only possible drawback to my new position is the commute of an hour each way between the Quad Cities and Iowa City. I am hoping to join a van pool to at least not have the stress of driving myself everyday, in addition to saving money by not driving my car. With the van pool my schedule will be fairly fixed and I will have to adjust to being away from home eleven hours a day. While I was teaching I spent many, many hours working at home, in addition to the time spent at school. Now, at least I won't have to work at home.

The same week I was offered my job, Brian and I celebrated our third anniversary. This year's anniversary turned out to be bittersweet as I had a miscarriage the day before. The pregnancy was about ten or eleven weeks along and we had been so excited to be having a baby. Being pregnant was certainly a new experience for us both as I was very fatigued and nauseated for a good long month. During this time I taught my class in the morning, trying not to gag too often and not be too absentminded. Then I came home to sleep for a few hours and then prepare for the next day's class before going to sleep again. Needless to say, not much was getting done around the house, but Brian picked up my slack pretty well and we even managed to do the dishes together once in awhile. I started feeling much better at the end of July. The first appointment with the midwife went well; the medical assistant even thought that she heard the heartbeat. A couple weeks later, though, the midwife couldn't hear the heartbeat. The midwife thought that perhaps the dates were off for the pregnancy and started to test the levels of pregnancy hormones. The levels were lower than they should have been for the estimated date, but one data point doesn't indicate much. A few days later after another blood draw, while I was waiting at the hospital to have an ultrasound, the midwife's office called to tell me the levels had dropped significantly indicating that miscarriage was inevitable. The hardest part for me was not knowing if things would be ok or not and then waiting for the miscarriage to happen. I actually spent more time crying before I'd even heard that the miscarriage was inevitable than after I received the news. It is sad to have lost the baby, though it was still very tiny, and all of the dreams and possibilities that come with a baby. To remember the baby I found a sculpture of a little duck done by local artisans and it is nice to have a visible reminder. Physically I feel better now, my brain has come out of its pregnancy fog and I have a lot more energy. Emotionally, I am still healing and I am reminded of that when I become frustrated and overwhelmed by small things. But, everyday gets better and there are many things to be thankful for, not the least of which is a very supportive husband. If someday in the future, near or far, we do manage to have a baby, we will certainly be all the more grateful for the amazing gift.

Since having a miscarriage and then having to tell people that we are not having a baby anymore, I have found that miscarriage is actually fairly common. Most women I have talked to have either had a miscarriage themselves or know someone close to them who has. While the cause of many miscarriages remain unknown and are thought to be caused by a chromosomal abnormality in the baby, there are some underlying causes that can be treated simply. Thankfully, my midwives are willing to test for the most common underlying causes. (By the way, each of these tests requires having blood drawn or otherwise being poked and prodded...which is never my favorite thing.) Maybe within the next month I'll have answers, or maybe there will never be any answers. Either way, I'll have faith that things will work out as they should.