Writing is a good way for me to process things, especially the "big" things in life. Early last week we determined that I was pregnant...surprise! Immediately one half of my brain was trying to work out exactly how life would work with a third child around to fit into our small house, thinking about costs of daycare versus me not working, if baby would be a boy or a girl, etc. At the same time, though, the other half of my brain was reminding me of previous early pregnancy losses and that there was going to be a waiting game to see if this was "for real" or not. I called the doctor's office and the usual process of blood draws for hormone levels began and an ultrasound was scheduled for yesterday. I wasn't feeling the greatest, but not many women feel wonderful in early pregnancy. By Friday the previously intermittent back pain and cramping on the left side of my body became constant. Brian adjusted me Saturday afternoon, but that didn't take it away. Sleep and rest did help, so then we took the girls for a walk through the woods. Then, Saturday the pain became worse and I couldn't sleep. Finally, about 2:30 am, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and decided to go to the ER. My pain level was at an 8 out of 10 and I no longer cared that I hadn't shaved my legs in at least a week and that my house was messy.

I didn't want to wake the girls up, so I told Brian I could make it ok by myself and that I would text when I knew something. I called the OB on call at my doctor's office, which thankfully was my doctor, and told her my symptoms. She told me the only place that could get me an ultrasound at that time of the night was at the ER, to which I replied that I was on my way. The ER is not known for being speedy and it did not make an exception for me. =) But, everyone was very kind and did their best to keep me comfortable. Eventually, I did get the ultrasound and by around 6:30 am, the radiologist's report indicated that it was likely that I had an ectopic pregnancy. This was not a surprise to me as this is what I had self-diagnosed myself with and when I made the decision to go to the ER, I was truly hoping I was correct so I would not be wasting my time and money. Once I had a diagnosis and they put in an IV, I finally accepted some pain medicine. Don't ask me why I didn't take any sooner, other than I didn't want a shot in my rear! After a little longer, my OB came and I was SO VERY GLAD to see her since I was confident she would get me fixed up. She had been up all night, so she was ready to get the surgery done with, too. She offered some optimism that maybe it wouldn't be an ectopic pregnancy, rather a cyst on the ovary, but either way she would need to take a look around. It did end up being an ectopic pregnancy that had to be removed along with a section of my left oviduct. So, 4 little holes for laproscopic surgery and some seriously sore core muscles make for a woman that is feeling much better.

Our friends Sarah and Jordan watched the girls oh so early on a Sunday morning so Brian could come to the hospital to be with me while I recovered at the hospital until midafternoon. I did get to recover in the postpartum rooms at Bryan East and experience the nice heated toilet seats again. =) And, Brian's mom came as soon as she could to pick the girls up. Then she got right to work cleaning up the kitchen and making us food and taking care of the girls and so much more. Yes, my mother-in-law is pretty wonderful! She stayed until late this afternoon. Having her here was a bit of a buffer from reality, so I did shed a few tears after she left as I finally let it sink in that yes, something bad happened this week and, yes, I really have so, so much to be grateful for.

Speaking of things to be grateful for, the girls have done well through this. They loved having Grandma here. If mom doesn't come fast enough, just holler for Grandma! Clara is old enough to understand that something was going on. She keeps wanting to see my owies. =) After I explained to her the kid version of how the baby was growing in the wrong place and making mommy sick so the doctor had to take the little tiny baby out, she said, "Aw, man! I could have had a baby brother or a baby sister if it had just been growing in the right place." That is the essence of it all, but so very grateful for what modern medicine has to offer so that I may live to enjoy my two precious girls and husband!

I'm going back to work tomorrow...wish me luck!